Signs of Midlife Crisis in Women: How to Know If This Is What You’re Experiencing
How do I know if I’m having a midlife crisis?
If you’re experiencing dissatisfaction, confusion around roles and identity, emotional fatigue, or yearning for some change that you can’t quite put your finger on in midlife, you may be going through a midlife crisis—or more accurately, a midlife awakening.
What is a midlife crisis anyway?
While the term “midlife crisis” was coined by psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in 1965, the experience of the term certainly preceded the terms inception. At its core, a midlife crisis isn’t necessarily a crisis, but an opportunity to explore what’s working and what’s not in life and what changes need to be made. If it's a crisis, it's a crisis of meaning, and of purpose.
Questions around meaning arise: Who am I? Am I who I thought I would become at this point in my life? What am I doing with my life? How am I contributing?
Questions around loss and regret, the undoing of aspects of our pasts with “coulda/shoulda/woulda…” “if only…” and “what if…?”
Questions of success and failure based on the choices you have made up to this point. Are you living the life you wanted, or thought you wanted, or not? Are you content with the life you have? The direction that life is going?
Questions around life, death, and mortality. By the time we reach midlife, most of us will have experienced some form of loss or ending- parents’ divorce or our own, the death of a grandparent, parent, or untimely death of a spouse, sibling, or friend. With these losses comes a keen awareness of the fragility of life.
“Mistakes, misfortunes, failures; choices you should not have made, hardships you should not have faced, plans that did not turn out as they should. No one makes it to midlife without acquiring some of each. The question now is what to do with them. - Kieran Setiya, Midlife: A Philosophical Guide
Emotional Signs and Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis in Women
Think you’re in the midst of a midlife awakening? Coupled with the questions above, you may be experiencing some of these emotional signs:
Feeling detached, bored, unmotivated, empty or disconnected, “Is this all there is?”
Feeling disconnected from roles (career, parenthood, partnership, self-image) or a loss of enthusiasm for previously meaningful roles
Feeling trapped by choices that once felt right
Mood changes, increased irritability or sadness
Harsh self-evaluation or a sense of not recognizing yourself anymore
Feeling unseen or misunderstood, even in close relationships
Questioning long-held beliefs, values, or life narratives
Grief over aging, time passing, bodily changes, or lost possibilities, Increased awareness of mortality
Heightened anxiety and fear about the future, aging, health, finances, or purpose
Less tolerance for emotional labor or people-pleasing
A desire for something different, deeper, more authentic that you cant quite put your finger on
Ambivalence: feeling pulled between security and freedom Wanting to burn things down and keep them intact
Behavioral Signs of Midlife Crisis in Women
A midlife awakening doesn’t just show up in the questions we ask or our emotions. It can show up in how we behave or in deviations from previous behavioral patterning:
Changes in your self-image: sudden changes in clothing, grooming, or style; increased concern with youthfulness or attractiveness; starting a new fitness routine
Avoidance behaviors: Excessive screen time or scrolling social media; Binge-watching, eating or drinking; working long hours
Related withdrawal: Re-evaluating long-term partnerships or pulling back from relationships, friendships, or social roles; increased conflict; abrupt shifts (affairs, separations, divorce)
Career: doubling down on work (a form of avoidance), decreased motivation at work, feeling burned out at work, sudden career changes or quitting without a plan;
Values-driven changes: leaving misaligned jobs or relationships; letting stronger boundaries and letting go of people-pleasing
Midlife Crisis vs. Depression
Midlife crisis centers on shifts around identity and meaning and can be accompanied by depressive symptoms. But in and of it self, a midlife crisis is not a depressive episode. Depression can look like:
Changes in mood (depressed mood) or mood swings
Increased sadness and tearfulness
Increased irritability or irritable mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
Weight loss or gain, decreased or increased appetite
Insomnia or oversleeping
Fatigue or loss of energy
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
Difficulty concentrating or indecisiveness
Midlife Crisis vs. Anxiety
Midlife crisis centers on shifts around identity and meaning and can be accompanied by anxiety symptoms, especially fears and worries. But in and of itself, a midlife crisis does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety looks like:
Racing thoughts
Difficulty concentrating
Mind going blank
Feeling nervous, anxious, or worried
Experiencing worry that can be difficult to control
Increased irritability
Sleep disturbances or insomnia
Unable to sit still or difficulty relaxing
Snapping or overreacting, having a shorter fuse
Feeling tense, restless, or on edge
Muscle tension, especially in the head, neck, and shoulders
Changes in heart rate, heart palpitations
Shortness of breath, sighing
Digestive changes (nausea, appetite changes, constipation)
New onset anxiety or depression in midlife. Is it a midlife crisis or is it perimenopause?
While there is no exact age at which point a person experiences a midlife crisis or awakening, typically we see it from the late 30s to early 50s. What else coincides with that age range for women??? Perimenopause, the symptoms of which can begin as early as 35 years and last an average of 7-10 years until menopause which happens in the late 40s to early 50s. You can learn more about perimenopause and its impact on women’s mental health here.
To summarize, perimenopause comes with hormone fluctuations (especially estrogen and progesterone) that can affect mood and can lead to mood swings, irritability, depression, reduced motivation, pleasure, energy, difficulty concentrating, loss of joy, and fatigue. increased anxiety, insomnia, irritability, and mood swings.
As hormone levels rise and fall unpredictably during perimenopause, the brain’s ability to manage anxiety, stress, mood, even multi-tasking, can be disrupted—leading to new or intensified mental health symptoms.These mental health changes during perimenopause can be: emotional- how we feel; cognitive- how we think and process our thoughts; and behavioral- how we act, react, and behave.
Can therapy help when you’re having a midlife crisis?
If you’re experiencing distress of any kind, impairment in your ability to function in your day to day, not feeling yourself, or feeling stuck and not sure which direction to go in, therapy can help you move though this time in life. Therapy can help you to answer the existential questions of your life:
Help you come to terms with decisions you’ve made in the past that have led you to where you are, without guilt or shame.
Answer: What’s lost? What’s left? And most importantly, what’s possible?
Or in the words of Immanuel Kant: “What can I know? What should I do? What may I hope?”
Psychotherapy offers compassionate, evidence-based support tailored to this unique stage of life. With the right support, midlife can become not just something to survive—but a transition that leads to greater clarity, authenticity, and emotional resilience.
As a therapist and licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with nearly 20 years of experience, I support women in midlife and the struggles that come with it- perimenopause, anxiety and stress, ADHD and inattention, depression, grief and loss, and those unexpected life events that throw you off course.
If you’re looking for support, let’s connect for a FREE 15-minute call to talk through how I can support you! I am located in Michigan and offer online therapy to women in CT, FL, IL, IN, MI, OH, SC, and WI, states where I am licensed to practice